I Believe I Can Fly

This will be short and sweet. I had to get up at 4:00 AM and train shop employees from 7 AM to 6 PM. I'm beat! And it all repeats again tomorrow.

This much stress, lack of sleep, and not eating properly makes me overly emotional, with tendencies to break into tears at the drop of a hat.

So I went in search of a song to move me in a better way. The song is kind of long, but Yolanda Adams voice is amazing and I love the chorus backup. If nothing else, fast forward to the 3:30 mark -- goose bumps. Of course, I sang along and sounded just like her...

The Seasons are a Changing

Yesterday was a strange weather day. It started out cool. Then the sun came out around noon and it got darn warm. Then a wind came up around 3:00. A COLD wind! And then a COLD rain.

I ended up running around like a crazy woman trying to batten down the hatches! I brought my three measly plants into the garage as it was supposed to drop to 38 degrees at night.

I took the umbrella out of the table on the deck as it looked like it was going to Mary Poppins out of there. I brought the chair cushions in because they were blowing away.

I cleaned out the pool skimmers and the surface of the pool of all the leaves, pine needles, and those darn whirly bird seed things so as not to clog up the filters.

Then I cleaned stalls and brought the horses in because they were running around like the devil was chasing them.

I brought the plants that were out on the deck inside the house but the plants around the pool just had to fend for themselves. I couldn't stand to haul anything more.

I tried to capture the wind in a photo but you just can't get the true effect. I should have recorded it because it was LOUD. Kept me up most of the night. Which wasn't good as this is my busy week and I had to start my day at 4 AM.

I rode Murphy and Luke in the ring before the weather got real bad. You can see it was warm from the sweat running down by Murphy's eyes. I think the horses are already building up a winter coat as they don't look as sleek as they did just a few weeks ago.

Murphy is gazing longingly out of the ring.

Luke didn't get much of a workout as the wind was starting to pick up in big gusts after about 30 minutes of riding.

The changeability of the weather yesterday is why I stayed at home with the horses. I didn't want to be at a park if things got ugly. Glad I listened to my instincts for once.

It remained windy, cool and cloudy today. The pool skimmers were so full of debris that I could barely lift the basket out and my hands were freezing!

In the spirit of the cold snap, I collected some pine cones that were on the ground and put them in a basket. Don't they look Christmasy? Really, they just smelled so good -- natural pine air freshner.

I had some comments today from Lytha, a Horse Crazy American in Germany. That's what I love about blogging, you get to cyber-meet people from all over the place!

It's so interesting to get a glimpse of life somewhere else, to read about another horse or dog lover or rancher/farmer in another country. And it's just as fun and interesting to read about people here, in the states, because there's just such a variety of climates, landscapes, towns, and ways of doing things.

Everyone has a unique story and viewpoint to share. You make me want to run around the country and see all the cool things you photograph and describe in your blogs.

After a stress-filled day at work, you give me something beautiful to look at or a photo or story to laugh about.

Okay, I'm kind of sleep-deprived and rambling. But I wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you. =D

It's Java Time - Can't Touch This

Java and I went on a walk Saturday morning and found a family and their dog enjoying that last breath of summer by splashing around in the river.

There are still some pretty flowers that the bees are enjoying too.

After our walk, I went to Home Depot to look for a plastic tray to create an area in the kennel for Java to do her business. I thought maybe they'd have something in the gardening area. Nope. Maybe in the paint department? Nope. Automotive? No such section. What I ended up with was two boot trays, which I stapled together.

Then I put boxing tape over the staples for a little added security.

Then in went some hay from the barn floor.

By the way, I didn't think about what happens to the kennel tarp when it rains. A quick push up and the rain that collected emptied but it doesn't work as well as I hoped to shelter my precious girl as some of the rain still got through.

I was going to put the extra hay for the tray into a feed bag to use as needed. But Java had other ideas for the feed bag.

Java! You bring that back here!

Okay. I know I should be stricter. But she made me laugh again so how could I yell at her?

The bag is history.

And now a question for you, how do you do a good job cutting nails when they are surrounded by so much hair?!

And on a final note, watch this video and see if it doesn't bring a smile to your face or even a snort of laughter. I'm feelin' attitude!

Remembering My Mom

It's been two years since my Mom died. It seems like she's been gone a lot longer than that. Maybe because the last couple years of her life, the Mom I knew seemed to be fading away.

Although, my Mom hasn't consistently had one way of being. The Mom I see in photos before I showed up looked adventurous, glamorous, fun, and happy.

My Mom is on the left. I love the dress and the pearls
(and the mischievous look).

Once I came on the scene, she still looked happy in photos. Doesn't everyone? But she wasn't so happy off camera.

My Dad wasn't so nice to her. Sometimes she retaliated by not being so nice to him. Sometimes there was yelling in our house. But mostly there was the "silent treatment". Which was worse than the yelling.

After my Dad died, my Mom became kind of wild again. Well, as wild as you can get in your 60s. She did a lot of bus trips with the local senior citizens group. All her widowed friends went along. She was happy then. And it was the first glimpse I got of her quirky sense of humor.

But then her health went bad. She had rheumatoid arthritis that so disfigured her hands and feet that I don't know how she even walked. She didn't say much about it, but she was in a lot of pain. (I saw the wincing.)

Then she got a wound that wouldn't heal and eventually led to her being in a nursing home because I couldn't keep up with the care.

During the year that I spent running to her house one to three times a day to clean and bandage her wound, wash clothes, buy groceries, clean her house, and take her to her 3 doctors, my Mom, seeing how worn out I was, asked, "Do you think God is punishing you or me?"

While my Mom was in the nursing home, I wrote down some of her observations that struck my funny bone, such as:

Mom: "They keep making me walk backwards in physical therapy. Why?! I don’t ever walk anywhere backwards! I wouldn’t walk backwards even if I was on the road to hell!"

Mom: Talking about a priest that visited her. “He’s so nice and so good looking. And he really talked to me about stuff. Ya know, not just about God.”

Me and Mom: I asked Mom why they kept moving her 'roommates' out of her room at the hospital. "Are you partying too much? Too noisy?" I asked. Mom answered, “Well, I do have a lot of male visitors.”

Mom: "They brought Ella’s food and I started laughing. She asked me, 'What are you laughing about?' And I said, 'Look at your plate.' Ella says, 'What? It’s mashed potatoes and gravy. What so funny?' She couldn’t see that the two mounds of mashed potatoes looked like boobs. Those women have no sense of humor."

And, of course, I couldn't resist a poem. When my Mom visited our house about four years ago, she kept looking around, her mouth agape, and said, "I can't believe it! I can't believe how wonderful your life turned out!" There were tears in her eyes for cryin' out loud. So...

Mom, sorry to tell you
happily every after didn't last.
True love it appears
Is a thing of the past.
Good for today
As long as it's fun.
But when there's no party
Well, then we are done.
I can hear your cautions
Though I try to keep them at bay,
"Don't smile too much,
Someone will take him away."
Motherly wisdom
You're not here to provide.
But it's best you don't see this
Change in the tide.
Don't cry for me Mom
or shake your head.
I'm happy in my adventure
There will be no fear or dread.

I love you and miss you Mom.

Java is a GOOD Dog!

Java spent her first day in the kennel today. A realtor was coming for a walk through the house, so I figured it was as good a day as any to give a full day a try.

Java seemed to be just fine when I got home. But I don't think she understands that she can go to the bathroom in the kennel. The whole point of putting her outside is that then she wouldn't have to hold it so long. Yet she doesn't go to the bathroom in there, even after being in there for 11 hours today. Maybe pick up a pile from the yard and put it in there so she knows it's okay?

She sure was excited when I let her out! Jumping up and down, dropping at my feet for belly rubs, running out a ways, then running back and body slamming me. I need to break her of that habit.

I threw the frisbee for her and she caught it 4 out of 5 times, 2 times with all four feet off the ground. She's gotten pretty darn good.

And I gave her huge, gigantic, truck loads of praise when a neighbor dog passed through our yard and Java greeted the dog, but when I called her, she came running right to me! I almost passed out in shock!

It's really busy at work and at home right now. I stayed up until midnight cleaning last night for the realtor visit. I don't know why I bother. But that's not much different than most nights as I'm up until 11:00-12:00 and then I get up at 5 AM to get ready for work. Really tired.

If I can just get past the standup training I'm doing on Wednesday and Thursday next week, I'll be hugely relieved. I hate to live my life according to milestones to "get through" but that's kind of the way it is right now.

Hopefully, one of these days I'll have positive milestones like writing a draft of a novel, revising the novel, submitting the novel, getting an agent, being published, appearing on Oprah. It could happen!

My Son's Birthday Today!

It's my son's birthday today and he's probably going to kill me for this but I can't think of a better way to celebrate than to reminisce by pulling a few old photos off of my computer.

Lain must have been fairly new here. That's my niece and my Mom with him. I can't believe my Mom will have been gone for two years this coming Saturday.

Here Lain is with his sister, my stepdaughter. I'm trying to figure out what he was looking at and thinking... Maybe something like, "Man, this is not cool! I feel really stupid in this walker contraption with this dumb baseball hat on. Just wait until I grow up and can pick out my own clothes!"

I always loved these overalls on him.

Lain is sitting with Willow when she was pretty young on the porch of our old house.

A previous fun-filled birthday.

Lain and I after my college graduation ceremony. It took me a long time to finish my BA taking one class at a time.

I wish I had hung onto these pants. They were like huge bell bottoms with a leopard print inset.

Eventually Lain went to pencil leg pants that he sewed himself before they were in fashion and you could buy them that way. Once things are in fashion, he won't wear them anymore...

I always liked this photo of him (of course, he doesn't like it).

Horses to Lain are a photo opportunity, that was about his only interest in them. Although he did ride when he was younger, before I realized how allergic he was to them.

And here he is last April. Happy Birthday Lain!

Sightseeing and Ingenuity at Its Best

It was kind of a lazy day today. I went to church in the morning. Came home and had lunch. Then put the tarp I bought yesterday on the kennel.

I fixed a tire on this thing.

I've been waiting about three years to get this tire fixed. No one but me to fix it now, so I picked up a can of tire repair spray yesterday. Who knew repairing a tire was so easy? Hopefully I can use it to pick up manure now, so I don't have to drive the tractor out everyday.

Then I decided to take Java on a walk around the neighborhood instead of driving to the park.

A couple doors down is a farm where they grow berries and customers come pick them when they are ripe. Once the berries are gone, things are pretty quiet at the farm until close to October; when people start thinking about pumpkins, Halloween, hay rides, and bon fires. Whole bus loads of kids and car loads of families show up then to pick these.

They also offer hay rides through the woods and bon fires after dark.

Farther down the road I saw this mailbox. I like the sunflowers growing around it. Mental note - cute idea for when I have my own house (only need cuter mailbox arrangement).

I really like this place. They recently tore down the old farmhouse and put up a new house. So the place is a blend of old and new buildings -- the best of both worlds.

It has my favorite things -- a clothesline, a big garden plot, apple trees, stucco house exterior, and a big porch on front. You can't see clearly in the photo, but there's a porch swing on the left side and the porch's right side is screened in so you can sit outside even when it's buggy out. Perfect.

I specifically wanted to walk the neighborhood because there were some new calves down the road I wanted to get photos of. Unfortunately, they were hiding behind other cows and trees. Totally uncooperative.

This guy gave me the stink eye.

But check the three little pigs out! The middle one's face is covered with mud and he is grinning from ear to ear. I have never seen such a happy pig!

This menacing looking cat was totally bummed that we saw him and dropped to his stomach to hide right after I snapped the photo.

When I got back home, I decided to retackle the problem of getting the apples out of the top branches of the apple tree. When I was a kid, my Dad had put a coffee can on a long pole that worked perfectly for scooping apples out of a tree.

I couldn't find a coffee can but did find an ice cream bucket in the garage. And the closest thing I could find to a long pole was a light bulb remover on an extender. I stapled the bucket to the plastic suction thingee on the end of the pole.

Java couldn't even bear to look at my lunacy. But I was totally amazed at how brilliant I was and was jumping up and down in my enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, I knocked the pole over and when it hit the ground, the bucket came off. Who knew that staple guns put staples in straight and don't bend the ends over?! How dumb is that?! I guess they assume you are stapling into wood. So...

I went to plan B. I stapled the bucket to a rake. I could remove the bucket the next time I needed to use the rake. (I never rake anyway.)

Perfect.

Not really. There must be something about the edge of a coffee can that is firmer and sharper and pops the apple off the branch better. I could pop the apple off (more like bash it), but only two of the apples I picked stayed in the bucket. All the others fell to the ground where Java grabbed the apple and ran off with it.

I should be in a sitcom! I totally crack myself up! It turned out to be my Polish apple picker. My adoptive Mom (the Polish one) and Dad would be so proud of me.

I was going to ride Murphy after that, but all I felt like doing was sitting under the deck, reading, and occasionally throwing the frisbee for Java. It felt good to sit and relax for awhile.

Java looks a bit bored (and dare I say disapproving) with my inactivity.

For the most part, Java was anything but relaxed. See that blur?

That's pretty much how Java looked all afternoon running through the long grass.

I Wanna Be Like Her When I Grow Up

I've been told I need to schedule more "fun time" for myself. It's hard because there's so much work to do around the house. I want to take more walks with Java. More horseback riding. But the days are so short now. I only seem to have enough time to work.

Weekends allow for a little more fun time. It was darn humid this morning and supposed to hit the 80s so I decided I'd take Luke to the park early. I was thinking about going to another park I've never been to before but I wanted to also ride Murphy, take Java for a walk, and run some errands. So I thought I'd take just a short, two hour ride at the nearby Rum River park.

I arrived at the park a little after 9:00 and was about to head into the woods when a woman got out of her truck and asked me if I was riding alone. When I told her "yes", she asked if I'd mind riding together. Mind? Hell no! (I didn't say it that way.)

She quickly got her Arab mare ready to go while explaining to me that a couple friends she was supposed to be riding with had backed out at the last minute.

(I have a very interesting sound backup to my blogging right now - fireworks going off somewhere and coyotes yipping up a storm.)

Anyway, the woman had been planning on going to another park farther away but when she ended up alone, she came to the local park instead. Lucky for me!

I'll call my new friend PC, and that doesn't stand for politically correct. PC is 72 years young. She lives on her own, can still stack hay and pick paddocks, rides her horse in the summer and snowmobiles in the winter. She gave me hope.

Her husband died when he was in his early 50s. She married again but "got rid of him none too soon" and is done with that. She's working part time but would like to quit as it interferes with her social life.

After two hours of riding, PC suggested we break for lunch. I hadn't brought anything but water, so she split her sandwich and Snickers bar with me. Then we rode for two more hours.

She was a complete delight! We exchanged phone numbers and she gave me a hug when I was about to leave. What a blessing, especially considering that when I was driving home from work on Friday I had just been thinking how much I needed a hug and perhaps a few words on the order of "It's going to be okay."

Actually, I think this is the first time since April that I've actually felt that possibly, just possibly, things could turn out okay.

I've had some e-mails going back and forth with my niece this week. And I was surprised when she wrote to me that, "There is a sweet spirit about you."

When people say things like that, it always seems to bring tears to my eyes. I've been seeing myself through other unloving eyes for too long. It's time I see myself through the eyes of people who think I'm funny, kind, and fun to be with. And maybe more important than who anyone else sees is who I see.

Or who Java sees! She makes me laugh so often throughout the day. I think she was put on this earth just to entertain me with the Java constant comedy act.

She'll run under a tree and as she does so suddenly jump in the air and grab some leaves without even breaking stride. Any flying insect brings a similar enthusiastic air jump.

Today she was carrying a log with the length of it hanging down towards the ground and heading for the fence rails. I tried to warn her... The log hit the bottom fence rail, broke in two, and dropped out of her mouth. Java looked confused for a moment, then picked up a broken log chunk and continued to jump through the fence. No biggee.

I caught one of her pool leaps.

And then the big splash.

She spent some time in the kennel today while I went riding and later when I went grocery shopping. She seems to be fine with it. I picked up a tarp today that I plan on putting over the top.

If you see a couch that resembles a sandy beach in someone's house, it's pretty much a sure sign they have a dog and that said dog has had a fun day. And that said owner is just shaking her head and smiling.