I’ve been trying to figure out how and when I should update my profile so new people who land in my blog don’t read "About Me", then read my posts and wonder what the heck is going on. Here’s one attempt at a rewrite:
"At the moment, I live on 10 acres with my dog, cat, and two horses. But my husband left me, the house is going up for sale, one of the horses will be sold, and I don’t know who I am anymore or where I’m going."
OK. That’s really bad. Maybe I need to have a contest – see if someone can come up with a new profile for Mary, who by the way will be Maery after the divorce. Turns out I can change my whole name if I want to.
OK. Forget the profile for now.
I’ve been working on creating a lift-my-spirits and feel-good list that I can pull out and pick one of the things on the list to do when I’m having trouble beating back the blues.
I want to do things that take me outside my head and put me back in my body, experiencing life right now, instead of running amuck with fear of the future.
So for the next few days, or however long it takes, I’m going to create my list of feel-good experiences. I’m planning on only posting one thing on my list at a time so all my posts aren’t as long as this one.
I will also take that lift-my-spirits, feel-good thing and put it into terms of a future something that I can look forward to. I need to start seeing the possibility of some positive experiences in my future.
Drum roll please….
#1 - Being in, on, or around a body of water.
I went swimming on Sunday to cool off after a rather hot, humid walk with Java. There is something so refreshing and cleansing about taking a swim in very cold water and then taking a hot shower and putting on comfy, cozy dry clothes.
Our home pool is my own private water oasis. Even a man made body of water is just plain nice to sit next to, dangle your feet in, and enjoy the blueness. The chlorine smell of a pool is not as memorable as the earthy, rich smell of a lake or river, but I can overlook that. Our pool is even nicely surrounding by river rock so I’ve been able to collect quite a few agates without heading up to the North Shore.
I had wanted to put a fountain in the pool so I could get that splashing, waterfall sound that is so relaxing.
But better than the sound of a fountain is the sound of waves rushing up on the shore. Like when you are standing by Lake Superior or next to the ocean. I can hear it now, in my head, the woossshhh and crash of the waves on rocks or into a crevice running up between jutting cliffs and shore.
I recall the smell of the salty, seaweedy ocean; the feeling of waves washing over my bare feet and shifting and sucking at the sand, leaving grains of grittiness between my toes.
Java would like the ocean too. I can see her playing like these dogs I photographed in California.
But I like the calm water too. The lake at 6 AM, before the wind comes up, glassy smooth, the only ripples are those coming from a bug gliding, a fish jumping, or a turtle poking it’s head above the surface. It’s the best time to fish. Everything is so quiet, just the sound of your lure hitting the water, then the whirring noise as you reel in and the water shimmers and drips off the line.
Catching a fish isn’t the point – it’s the rhythm of casting and reeling. It’s the eery beauty of a loon call or the amazing sight of an eagle picking a fish out of the water, landing on a log and eating breakfast. You gasp, hand over mouth, and can't believe you've witnessed anything so powerful and graceful, all in one.
Joy is skimming across the water, self-propellled, in your own mini cocoon. The rhythm, oars breaking the surface, the pull of the oar against water, muscles you haven't used for awhile, the cool drip down the oar onto your skin, the splash, the glide -- it feels so good.
Or watching your dog enjoy the water – throwing a ball or stick for them. The happy look on their face, the concentration while they swim to the object and snatch it up in their mouth, then the frantic run out of the water, a full body shake, collar jingling, me running for cover from the water exploding in all directions. I laugh, I think Java does too, and we do it all over again, and again, and again.
Both Java and I need frequent water fixes and we have lots of options with all the rivers and lakes around us, at least before winter blows in and everything freezes. During the winter, bubble baths are a nice water option.
Something to Look Forward To:
Once I have my bearings and the horse(s) are being taken care of at a boarding facility (maybe next summer), I can rent a cabin or pitch a tent up north, where Java and I can get a true water and woods experience.
It's also true that I can live anywhere I want to, well, anywhere that I can find a job to pay the bills. So maybe I live on or near a lake, river, or even the ocean.